Power and Toughness—The Intensity of Hatred I Have for Bullshit Decks Like Esper Control and My Disapproval of Anyone Playing Them, Ever

Posted by Matt Jones on April 22, 2013 · 20 Comments 

It’s been an intense week.

I’ve been super emo whilst playing magic both online and in real life. Reanimator and it’s variations have been good to me. I haven’t been losing to aggro, like, at all. There have been two matches against Esper Control, one won and one lost, that put me on tilt like I haven’t been in ages.

One can talk up the “it’s just a game” attitude towards magic all one wants. It’s a rare bird that can live this attitude. I enjoy playing Magic. I like the decks I build and play, you know, reasonably fair mid-range decks that are often ridiculed considerably by my non-Kadar buds. “Cast big dudes and smash,” many say my strategy is flawed, dumb, uninteresting, and not complicated enough Listen, Reanimator and other mid-range decks are never the bad guy. They always interact, are totally beatable and disruptable, always give you a game, and let you play your fucking spells. The bad guy is always a deck playing counter magic.

Hugh “I haven’t lost a draft since 1997” Kramer yelled at me (not in volume but in tone) Saturday after I scooped to a round three opponent’s turn whatever Jace, ruin-fun, with a Rest in Peace in play, uttering “I don’t want to fucking do this anymore.”

“People are going to play Magic in ways you don’t approve of and you’re going to have to deal with that,” isn’t what he said word for word but it’s close enough, and I hear that, sure. Logic and reason have no place in the moment and everyone on Planet Earth knows this. HA! That was a kinda psychotic sounding laugh, btw.

I’m gonna talk shit because I’m pretty frustrated, but let it be known before the shitstorm that I think the person I played at some point in a tournament over the last week who shall remain nameless good … person. Young, smart, and capable, just, maybe, a little etiquette inept and incredibly confused. Multiple times in our match I felt it necessary to request s/he speak audibly in response to spells resolving, announcing triggers, and generally any time s/he interacted with me, you know, the other human being playing in the match with her/him, rather than ever so slightly nodding or occasionally grunting. Who does this? So you’re gonna play some super annoying permission based deck and you’re going to pull some Sith mind control bullshit throughout our entire match? Fuck that. I’d rather stay home. I’m too old to have to deal with that shit. Respect your elders, punk.

The night before my battle with the opponent from hell I played Johnny. Johnny’s a super dude but he was also on Esper Control. After a 30 minute game one a very emo and angry Matt Jones told him he couldn’t stop thinking about how he’d rather be doing fucking anything than sit here and try to play Magic against this total bullshit, that there were countless other things to do rather than watch his opponent deny him the ability, nay, the right, to play Magic. He asked Johnny how he came to choose this horrid pile of cards. “I dunno, it’s good,” was his reply. That’s fair enough but certainly didn’t quell my rage.

Johnny fell victim to mana screw and Acidic Slimes games two and three. My sick mind thought “that’s what you get for playing such an asshole deck!” Instead of saying that I apologized for wishing him ill and verbally reconfirmed my love for him as a person.

The type of artist-person I’ve become requires that I live and feed off of my emotional responses to things. These responses are sometimes inspirational highs that lead to my best work. I sometimes see things others don’t and respond intensely to stimuli and situations that otherwise go ignored. I live and die by my emotions. Buddhist study has helped me to deal with this shit but there’s only so much I can do, you know? Hugh, you’re probably right, dude. There’s always room for improvement.

Here’s a Standard Daily I absent-mindedly recorded a couple days ago. I go long stretches without saying anything, speak with my studiomate about why I’m talking to myself, and sing a little. OH! And at the request of Anthony Lebron: Spoiler Alert! I say “fuck” or “fucking” like 300 times during these videos.

I must not have recorded round four. Breaking news: I lost to Esper MOTHER FUCKING Control. It wasn’t even close. All my hands were the goddamn worst. No land mulligans. Colorless land mulligans. Variance is a great part of Magic but sometimes it comes at uncomfortable times. It’s like that period in Star Trek—The Next Generation when Geordi has a beard.

Next week I’m going to write the happiest, most positivest Magic blog post of any time ever. I swear. To uh … you? I dunno. Whatever, I’ll try. I look forward to some “first world problem” comments or “dude, all you do is whine, you’re a dick” comments this week. HOORAY!

I’ve taken two breaks while writing this to play some more Reanimator  on MTGO. I lost one and won one. I CANNOT STAY AWAY!!! It’s basically reached the point of “unmanageable” and we all know what that means.

Lots of love,
Matt
MTGO: The_Obliterator

Filed under Power and Toughness · Tagged with esper control, i hate counterspells, junk reanimator, magic sucks, shitty things, standard, still having fun, youtube